A Colossal Attempt at Humor
by nightlight6
Summary: In order to banish my Writer's Block for The Wanderer, I am writing this. I will personally be messing with the Colossi in all sorts of ways. So uh... please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

_**Hello, everybody! So this is something different I'm doing to clear up my Writer's Block for my main story The Wanderer. If you have any complaints or possibly ideas about this story, speak now! So go ahead… read and review!**_

_**Umm…**_

In the plains behind the Great Temple, all was peaceful.

Birds were singing, lizards were skittering, and overall nothing was happening.

Suddenly though, there was a "poof" and somebody coughing. When the cloud of smoke cleared, it revealed a tall teen girl standing in the center of the plain. She was waving her hands around to try and clear the air. When her coughing spasm was over, the girl looked around and grinned.

"Sweet."

Noticing her soon to be captive audience was missing, she clapped her hands.

Instantly, all sixteen Colossi fell from the sky. When they got to their feet, their complaints of "ouch" and "why?" were cut off.

"Welcome! To the most… awesome… story… EVER!"

All the Colossi blinked at the girl in confusion before the Boar spoke up.

"Who are you? And what's with your clothes?"

The girl looked down at her T-shirt and jeans.

"Oh. Right."

With another clap of her hands, she was wearing a traditional Colossus Valley dress.

"There! Now, to answer your question Celosia, I am nightlight6! Or just nightlight for short."

Argus spoke up.

"But how is that short if you just take the '6' off the end?"

Nightlight pointed up at the Sentry accusingly.

"Shut up Argus! No one wants to hear your opinion!"

The Sentry looked down at her, dumbfounded, while Gaius spoke up from the back.

"It's true!"

Nightlight dusted off her dress before smiling at the invisible camera.

"Well, I think its time we got started! I'll ask these good Colossi all the questions I'm sure everyone is dying to have answered!"

"Wait!"

The authoress looked up to see a confused Phaedra staring at her.

"Yes, Great Horse?"

"Everybody here except you, Celobia, Argus, and Malus is supposed to be dead! Including me! How could you have the power of resurrection?"

Before nightlight could speak, Basaran shouted from the back.

"She's in league with Dormin! Destroy her!"

All the Colossi roared and tried to surge forward, but were stopped by an invisible force. Dirge spoke up, amazed.

"How do you have the power to stop sixteen great beings, _and_ resurrect the dead?"

Nightlight grinned at the Sand-Serpent.

"Simple! I'm the author! I can make you do _whatever_ I want!"

All the Colossi were silent for a few moments before Basaran spoke up again.

"See? She _is _in league with Dormin!"

Ignoring the Tortoise, nightlight shuffled a few papers in her hands.

"Alright, so first question… Valus!"

The Minotaur stepped forward.

"Yeah?"

"Are you ticked off that you hardly got any air time because you were the first to be kicked off… err… I mean, killed?"

Valus had a blank face before he slowly acquired a determined frown.

"Yes… Yes I am!"

"What are you going to do about it?"

The Minotaur appeared thoughtful.

"Hmm… I could write a story about the evils of pointy stones…"

Nightlight nodded.

"Good. Now, go forth and find a giant pencil!"

While Valus walked back to the Mountain Temple to try and find said writing tool, nightlight looked back at her papers.

"Next question… Kuromori!"

The Gecko stepped forward, ignoring the distant screams of fan girls.

"What do you want?"

"Why are you so irritable and mean? We all know it's partially because of your long lost nobility, but what else? Childhood bullying? A thorn in your toe?"

Since Kuromori seemed reluctant to answer, nightlight clapped her hands again. Suddenly the Gecko was lying on his back on a giant lounging chair, with front legs crossed. The authoress was sitting in a plushy chair next to Kuromori's head, wearing professional-looking glasses and glancing down at a book called "Psychology for Dummies".

"I suppose I'm just a little lost…"

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Confused and alone, I guess."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Pretty angry."

"And how does that make you feel?"

"Okay, why do you keep asking that?! It's getting annoying!"

Nightlight grimaced.

"Yeesh, Kuromori. Take some tips from Phalanx and get control of your emotions."

The Gecko had a moment to look infuriated before he disappeared with a clap of nightlight's hands.

The psychologist set vanished and the authoress looked back at her papers. Okay, last question... Celobia!"

The Lion stepped forward nervously, not noticing the now completely rabid fan girls.

"Yes?"

"Alright, the jig is up. We all know you're hiding something under your bed!"

The Lion looked incredulous.

"_What_?!"

Avion shouted down from where she circled above.

"Aha! I knew it!"

Celobia shook his head.

"I… I don't know what you're talking about…"

"I do!"

The Colossi in the crowd stepped aside to reveal a victorious-looking Celosia.

"He hoards this, and he's always been obsessed with it! There are mountains of it under his bed!"

Nightlight stared at the Lion with wide eyes.

"OMM (Oh My Malus), you don't do hard core drugs, do you?"

Celosia was about to speak when Celobia shouted to the heavens.

"ALRIGHT! I'm… I'm… addicted to…. *gulp*……

REESE'S PIECES!!!!!"

Silence.

Finally, nightlight cleared her throat.

"Well, that was un-dramatic. And that clears up all my questions!"

Hydrus spoke up from where she was curled in the tiny fruit tree oasis near the Mountain Temple.

"But that last one wasn't even a question!"

The authoress rolled her eyes.

"Nobody cares, Miss Sea-Snake!"

Ignoring Hydrus' indignant cry of,

"That's Sea-_Serpent_!"

Nightlight smiled at the invisible camera and continued.

"And so ends this edition of 'A Colossal Attempt at Humor'. Please submit your ideas for new questions! Since… *looks at list*… Quadratus, Barba, Pelagia, Phalanx, and Malus have not even spoken yet! Also, if you'd like to complain about me doing this instead of writing The Wanderer, please note that this is for clearing up Writer's Block. However, I definitely wouldn't mind continuing with this. I almost never get the chance to write humor in my main story!"

With a clap of her hands, the authoress changed back into normal clothes, waved goodbye to the Colossi, and mysteriously vanished. Everybody looked around at everyone else. Phaedra finally spoke up.

"So, um… what do we do now?"

Avion calls down again.

"Well, since Kuromori and Valus are gone and Celobia has managed to get into a fetal position… let's party!"

All the Colossi cheered and started to dance in their own weird ways, completely unaware of the still operational camera pointed at them…

_**I think I've pretty much summed it up… so please review!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Ah yes. I'm back! Curse you Writer's Block… and plot bunnies. Urg, I despise myself for getting ideas for THIS and not my main story! But no matter. I'm turning my aggravation into laughter for you guys! So without further ado… read and review! (he he… rhyming…)**_

_**More Awesomeness**_

"Hmph. I can't believe that video of our dancing ended up on YouTube…"

Malus was still stuck standing where nightlight6 had poofed everybody to, so he was a bit cranky. The fact that he had just discovered this demeaning "vid" on a popular "website" on the "Internet" just made him crankier. Barba, who was holding up the freakishly large laptop in front of the Titan, looked around the device.

"Um… My arms are getting tired… Can I take a-?"

"NO BREAKS!!"

The Bearded One shrank away slightly and sighed.

"Yes, sir."

Suddenly, Pelagia popped out of nowhere. He waddled over to Barba and Malus.

"Hey! Guys! Can I borrow that thing?!"

The Titan was about to angrily say no when Barba quickly tossed the laptop to the Masked One, who caught it neatly in his tusks.

"Take it and run!"

Pelagia took the Bearded One's words to heart and shuffled away at top speed.

Malus yelled after him.

"What do you even need it for?!"

The Masked One glanced back.

"A frog told me about this site where there are 'pics' of dogs upside down! I have to see them!"

With that, Pelagia turned around the corner of the Great Temple and was out of sight.

Malus turned to Barba, his eyes flaring red.

"_Take _it, and _run_?! This is mutiny! Heresy! And… uh… what's another word for massive betrayment?"

The Bearded One tilted his head slightly, thinking.

"Hmm… um… Dissent? Insubordination? Recalcitrance?"

The Titan blinked.

"_What?_"

Barba itched his head in that cartoony, confused fashion.

"I don't know…"

The two Colossi's musings were interrupted by someone laughing. Actually, _two_ someones laughing. They looked up to see the bane of all of their existence sitting cross-legged on a small cloud. It was the beautiful, intelligent, and extremely talented… nightlight6!

The teen turned to grin at the camera.

"Aren't I modest?"

She then turned to look down at the two confused Colossi.

"Yo! Wuz up?"

Malus raised an eyebrow.

"Umm…"

Nightlight rolled her eyes.

"I poofed up a laptop for you guys! I gave the Colossus Valley free Wi-Fi! You have access to the Internet! So how come you haven't totally memorized the teen dictionary yet?"

Barba crossed his arms over his chest.

"Hey! We're kind of new at this…"

The authoress made a dismissive gesture.

"Eh, whatever. Hmm… where are the others?"

Malus shrugged.

"Who knows? Why?"

Nightlight grinned.

"I have more surprises for you all! Don't worry, it'll be _fun_."

Before the Titan could say anything, the teen clapped her hands and all the Colossi who weren't Malus and Barba poofed to the mesa-filled plain.

Nightlight stood up, brushed off her dress, and smiled down at the Colossi.

"Hello, my friends! If your eyes don't happen to be functional, then I'm nightlight6, and I'm back! Also, I've brought an accomplice!"

With a clap of the teen's hands, another teen girl suddenly stood beside her on the cloud. She also wore a Colossus Valley dress, but was a bit shorter then nightlight, with longer, curlier, and lighter hair, as well as cool looking glasses. The girl grinned and waved excitedly down at the Colossi.

Nightlight gestured toward her new counterpart.

"This is my little sister scarletdragongirl, or just Scarlet for short. She's on FictionPress, not FanFiction, so that's where you would find her. She's also a really awesome writer… way better then me…"

Suddenly Scarlet reached out and pinched her sister in the arm. Nightlight winced and rubbed the spot.

"What was that for?!"

The younger authoress smiled at the camera.

"She's on this new program to boost her poor self-esteem. If she puts down her writing, art, academics, athletics, or character in general, I have to pinch her!"

Nightlight glared at her sister.

"Since when was I on a self-esteem boost program?! And besides, it's useless… you'll always be better then me at every- ouch!"

Scarlet giggled and turned towards the Colossi.

"Since nightlight is incapacitated, I'll start the festivities! First, everybody get in a circle!"

All the Colossi got into their positions, making a circle in a way so that Malus, who couldn't move, was included. Gaius picked up Hydrus and lay her down in curled position beside him. Phalanx tried her best to land and had Barba lay her down beside him as well. The Colossi then looked up expectantly at the two authoresses. Nightlight stepped forward and clapped her hands. This caused the cloud to float down to ground level so she and Scarlet could step off. The older authoress smiled up at everybody.

"Today, we'll be playing truth or dare! The reason I have my sister here is so she can keep an eye on all of you while I do my thing."

Argus, who was sitting cross-legged between Phaedra and Basaran, raised his hand. Nightlight looked over at him.

"Yes, oh hated and stupid one?"

The Sentry gazed back at her angrily but still asked his question.

"What is 'truth or dare'?"

Nightlight grinned.

"I'm glad you asked! It's this wonderful game where you ask someone if they would rather tell the truth about something or do a dare. If they don't tell the truth or refuse to do the dare, they have to do something else as a penalty. And don't worry… If any of you run, I will not hesitate to destroy you."

Valus gaped at her.

"Seriously?!"

The authoress smiled at him.

"No, but there will be consequences."

Scarlet stepped forward.

"Okay, now that my crazy sister has delivered her ultimatum, who would like to go first?"

Nobody spoke. After a while, the younger authoress pointed at Avion.

"We have a volunteer!"

The Eagle looked infuriated.

"But I didn't-!"

"So Avion… truth… or dare…?"

The Colossus just sighed.

"Dare, I suppose. How bad could it be?"

Nightlight grinned at her.

"Very. Avion, I dare you to passionately, avidly, and enthusiastically kiss Kuromori."

The Eagle just gaped at her while several of the Colossi burst out laughing and the Gecko himself looked seriously like he was going to run.

"There is no _way_ I am kissing that… _lizard_…!"

Scarlet shrugged.

"Okay, then. But now you don't just have to kiss him, you have to _marry_ him. And have cute little lizard-bird babies with really bad tempers."

Avion shivered.

"On second thought, it's just a kiss, right?"

So the Eagle stepped over to Kuromori and, with great hesitation and awkwardness, they kissed each other. It took a few seconds to figure out since Avion had a beak and the Gecko just had a square-ish, slightly flexible hole, but they managed. The kiss was just supposed to last a few seconds, but just as they were about to break away, nightlight clapped her hands. Suddenly, the two Colossi were magically glued together in a lip-lock. Avion and Kuromori glared at the authoress menacingly, making "Mmph" and "Grph" noises that were clearly supposed to be threats. Nightlight just smiled at them before turning to the now terrified group of Colossi.

"Who wants to go next?"

During the kiss event, all of the Colossi grouped together around Malus. Now, they all stepped back so that it looked like the Titan had stepped forward. Scarlet grinned and pointed at him.

"Excellent! We have a voluntary volunteer!"

"But I-"

Nightlight frowned at him.

"There are no 'buts' in truth or dare! Now be a man!"

Malus sighed.

"But I'm not technically… Oh, never mind. Um… dare?"

The authoress grinned.

"Okay, then. Hmm… I'll give you something simple. I dare you to run a circle around the Great Temple!"

The Titan frowned.

"In case you haven't noticed, I can't run."

Nightlight shrugged.

"Very well. Scarlet, bring out the ginormous tutu!"

Malus gaped down at her.

"What?!"

The authoress shrugged again.

"You refused to do the dare, so there are consequences."

With a clap of her hands, nightlight poofed the huge blue tutu that Scarlet had carried over onto the Titan. The younger authoress smiled.

"Look at the bright side; it really brings out the lovely shade of blue in your eyes!"

Malus just sighed and resignedly crossed his arms over his chest.

Nightlight looked around.

"Okay, one last round. Uh… Celobia!"

The Lion stepped forward but soon found his movement hindered by the mob of fan girls that surrounded him.

Scarlet was unsuccessful in trying to get rid of them, so finally her older sister shouted over the girly shrieks and cries of "We love you Celobia!"

"Hey! Hey!!! HEY!!!!"

The fan girls turned to look at the ticked off authoress.

"Back off! He's MINE!!"

With that, nightlight clapped her hands, making the mob disappear. She ran forward and hugged the Lion around his neck.

"I love you, Celobia! You're my favorite-ist Colossus EVER!!!"

The Lion grimaced.

"Please get off me."

Nightlight stepped away and placed her hands on her hips in that disapproving way moms have.

"Jeez, the actual version isn't as nice as the stuffed animal one."

Celobia blinked.

"There's a stuffed animal of me?"

The authoress grinned and pulled out her Celobia stuffed animal to show him.

"Of course! I made it myself."

Quadratus spoke up.

"That's creepy…"

Nightlight glared at the offending Colossus and angrily clapped her hands to make him vanish in a cloud of smoke. She then brushed her hands off on her dress and smiled at Celobia.

"So truth or dare?"

The Lion gulped.

"I think I'll go with truth…"

The authoress grinned.

"Good choice. So the question is… Do you love Kuromori with all your heart and soul?"

Protesting "urgs" and "gmphs" could be heard from the still lip-locked Gecko. Celobia's cheek armor heated up to a molten red color.

"Of course not!"

"LIAR!"

With that, nightlight ferociously clapped her hands and the Lion was lip- locked with Kuromori. This time the protests were much fiercer and the Gecko's mouth actually began welling up with energy to try and get rid of the magical glue.

Nightlight high fived Scarlet then turned to the camera.

"That's all we have time for today. But first… Phalanx! Say something!"

The Dragon blinked at her calmly.

"Nachos?"

The authoress nodded and checked something off her list.

"Excellent! Now everyone has spoken! So until next time, I'm nightlight6!"

Scarlet popped up next to her and waved.

"And I'm scarletdragongirl!"

Nightlight gestured to a neon sign that had just poofed into existence above their heads.

"And this is… A Colossal Attempt at Humor! If you have any ideas or complaints, I love hearing them! Also, if you wish to express your undying love for my writing, I'll accept that too! Although, I severely doubt you guys will do that… ouch! Stop pinching me!"

And with that, the two authoresses disappeared. All the Colossi blinked, looked at each other, then shrugged and went back to their original business. Pelagia waddled up to Malus.

"Here's your laptop back!"

The Titan took it from where it was still neatly placed on the Masked One's tusks and frowned.

"Why is it wet?"

Pelagia nodded in the general direction of the Pleasure Waterfall.

"I wanted to show the fish the upside down dogs! But the screen went all sputtery and blacked out…"

Malus' eyes flared red.

"That's because laptops can't be underwater! They short out and electrocute their surroundings!"

The Masked One looked off into space.

"Hmm… That would explain why the fish's eyes turned into x's and they floated to the surface…"

"Argh!"

So for the rest of the day, Malus blasted at a clueless Pelagia who waddled around him in circles. And yes, the camera was, in fact, still running.

_**I summed it up in my monologue so yeah… please review?**_


End file.
